This is absolutely brilliant.
Excerpted from the Borowitz Report:
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney today released the following letter to the American people:
Dear American People:
Yesterday, comments I made about poor people made me look terrible. This always seems to happen when I say what I really believe.
The fact is, I do care about poor people. That’s because I’m poor myself, when you compare me to Mark Zuckerberg.
According to most projections, Facebook’s IPO should net Mr. Zuckerberg a personal fortune of $28 billion. I couldn’t make a pile of dough-re-mi like that even if I fired people twenty-four hours a day.
Full piece can be found at the Borowitz Report.
(h/t: the beautiful MJB)